just anything I want to share

Why do you keep forcing me to hear? Why me? Why should i care?
It’s your life. Your ideal. We share nothing of it. It’s all has nothing to do with me. Damn all your plans for life. I’m just sick of hearing it.
What are you to me anyway? Nothing. We are not even good friends.
I thought we were. But I was so wrong. So you think you can keep sharing anything to me? Well, I’m not hearing any of it now. Not anymore. I’m sorry but I’m not your ‘ideal & stereotypical housewife’ who waits faithfully and loyally for you to come home, doesn’t wonder where you have been all night and when you finally comes home, hears all your gripes, grumbles, and groans attentively and then consoles you affectionately and full of devotion. That’s just not me. I do wonder. I keep feeling the pain, not knowing where you go, what you do. You shares only anything you need and want to. You keep sharing your pains and keep the joy to yourself. I used to consider it as the burden of love. But it was not. At all. Not anymore.
I’ll stop playing a foolish lover. I want to stop being a blind man.

I never loved you anyway

You bored me with your stories
I can’t believe that I endured you for as long as I did.
I’m happy it’s over,I’m only sorry that I didn’t make the move before you.
And when you go I will remember
To send a thank you note to that girl (Ooh that girl)
I see she’s holding you so tender

Well I just wanna say…(Just wanna say)
I never really loved you anyway
No I didn’t love you anyway
I never really loved you anyway
I’m so glad you’re moving away

Valentino, I don’t think so.
You’re watching MTV while I lie dreaming in an empty bed
And come to think of it
I was misled
My flat, my food, my everything
And thoughts inside my head
Before you go I must remember
To have a quiet word with that girl (Ooh that girl)
Does she know you’re not a spender?

Well I just have to say…( i just have to say)
I never really loved you anyway
No I didn’t love you anyway
I never really loved you anyway
I’m so happy you’re moving away
Yeah, I am
Yeah, I am
And when you go I will remember
I must remember to say…
I never really loved you anyway
No I didn’t love you anyway
I never really loved you anyway
I never really loved you anyway
I never loved you anyway
No I didn’t love you anyway
I never truly loved you anyway
Never really loved you anyway
(I never loved you anyway,never loved you anyway,
I never loved you…)
I’m so happy you’re moving away
Yeah, I’m delighted you’re moving away,
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

(‘i never loved you anyway’ by the Corrs)

(hihihi, lagunya terlalu berlebihan ya untuk ini? jadian aja kagak pernah kok bisa bubar..wakakaka. Yah, yang penting agak2 mirip lah…hohoho)

aaargh!
Ternyata nggak gampang ya mengurangi frekuensi dan kuantitas komunikasi. Apalagi untuk orang nggak tegaan kayak gw.
Meski telah merasa aman tersembunyi, saat sore menjelang, panggilan-panggilannya lewat dunia virtual muncul di layar ponsel. Tak tega aku membiarkannya berbalas sunyi. Walau dengan sedikit kesal pada keyakinannya bahwa tiap kata yang dia lontarkan padaku pasti akan dibalas, jari-jariku toh tetap mengetikkan jawaban demi jawaban. Kata-kata dan komentar. Hanyut dalam pembicaraan dangkal tak tentu arah.
Tak tahu apa dia menikmati obrolan macam ini. Aku sendiri sudah bosan, walau tetap saja dengan tololnya terus meladeni. Oh, kumohon. Saat-saat begini aku terpikir bahwa sifat nggak tegaanku adalah satu kutukan yg diturunkan dari nyokap. Nggak tahu napa masih juga kumasukkan kata-katanya yang mengeluhkan betapa lelahnya dia, betapa tak enaknya badannya yang katanya sakit itu ke dalam telingaku yg sebenarnya sudah menolak untuk mencerna hal-hal macam itu.
Toh apa peduliku akan hal itu? Apa urusanku?
Suaranya yang terdengar serak dan berat dan napasnya yang berbunyi-bunyi aneh itu memang sempat membangkitkan rasa iba. Tapi sekali lagi, apa urusanku?
Oh, God! Aku terdengar seperti seorang ego mania yang sama sekali nggak mau mikirin orang lain. Ini sama sekali bukan aku. Tentu saja aku peduli bahwa dia sedang sakit, capek. Aku nggak bisa bohong tentang itu. Tapi lagi dan lagi, apa urusanku? Salahkah bila aku bertanya begitu? Perlukah aku sekhawatir itu pada seorang teman? Atau malah aku kurang menunjukkan perhatian dan belas kasih? Masih pantaskah aku mengaku-ngaku sebagai sahabatnya?
Aaarghh!

duduk gelisah di depan komputer
Klik pada ikon yahoo messenger di system tray
Login secara invisible
Resah memeriksa daftar contacts
Pada namanya kusorot
Kupilih
‘permanently appear offline’
Yah, sudah
Biar
Aku tak tahu lagi harus bagaimana
Mengurangi komunikasi sepertinya satu-satunya cara untuk menjaga jarak
Ya, lebih baik begini
Daripada aku menyakiti orang lain
Daripada ku terus merintih-rintih diterpa badai kekecewaan dan keputusasaan
Walau tak sungguh yakin ini akan berguna
Setidaknya nantinya aku tak akan merasa terlalu kehilangan

Okay

Only this (moment)
Holds us (together)
Close to (perfection)
Nothing else (out there)
No one to (guide us)
Lost in the (senses)
Deep down inside I know our love will die

Okay

Only this (moment)
Holds us (together)
Lost in (confusion)
Feelings are (out there)
Scared of the (ocean)
Doubting (intentions)
Deep down inside I know our love will die

Stay or forever go
Play or you’ll never know
We haven’t decided
You can’t deny it’s all you’ve been waiting for
Okay
Stay or forever go
Play or you’ll never know
Your spirit’s divided
You will decide if I’m all you’ll be waiting for

Guilt in my head
Have been part of my twist
By the force of an angel
Revealing our fates
And our words don’t make sense and I do understand,
Falling in love isn’t part of our plan
Forces within me, makes reason with lust
But I try to accept it and not think it works
‘Cause I know I might lose you by taking a chance
But love without pain isn’t really romance

Okay

Only this (moment)
Holds us (together)
Close to (perfection)
Nothing else (out there)
Always (beside her)
Trusting my (senses)
Deep down inside I know i will survive

Only this (moment)
Holds us (together)
Close to (perfection)
Nothing else (out there)
Always (beside her)
Trusting (my senses)
Deep down inside I know I will survive

Okay

‘only this moment’ by Royksopp

Hehehe
‘love without pain isn’t really romance’ katanya
Gak tau bisa bilang apa
Yang aku tau, selain indahnya, cinta juga selalu membawa belati kesedihan dan rasa sakit di belakang punggungnya.
So beautiful, yet so excruciating.
Love is.

sebenernya ini postingan lama di myspace-ku. Sama juga kaya postingan di bawah. Entah kenapa pengen memuatnya lagi di sini.

‘Isn’t it enough that I love you?’
‘No. it shall never be’
‘But why?’
‘Because, your love to me, it’s forbidden, it’s unnatural. The world is against it.’
‘So, what’s the problem with that? What I know is that I love you. No force whatsoever on earth can change that. I love you. I love you!’
‘Stop it! Stop it! Don’t you dare ever say that again to me! Or else…’
‘What? What? You’ll kick my ass? Punch me to death?’
‘No! Or else, I shall not see you again.’
‘That’s… that’s so unfair of you. You know how much I love you.’
‘Do you really believe this world is fair? It isn’t. At all. You should start to learn to accept that.’
‘No! I won’t!’
‘Oh, damn it! You know it isn’t gonna work after all.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because…because I don’t love you. That’s why. I love you but not as much as you do me, and not the way you do. I love you as a friend, as a brother. That’s all.’
‘Umm…ok. I can live with that. No matter what, I still love you.’
‘Damn it! You wouldn’t make it any easier for both of us, would you?’
‘I guess I always like it tough and rough. Though it may seem so cliché, I will always love you. I dare not hoping you’ll love me in return. But to love you, that I cannot give up.’
‘Well, so you have decided, it seems.’
‘Yes, i have.’
‘Well, i respect your decision. I will say no more of that. Love me, if you wished so. But nothing in return i could give you.’
‘I completely comprehend that. I ask you nothing for the love I give.’
‘That is so flattering. I’m so honoured to be the object of your affection. That kind of unconditional love you showed me is beyond my comprehension and my capability. You must’ve thought how ungrateful i am for not being touched at all by your love.’
‘It never crossed my mind. changes nothing at all. I love you for everything you are. Even if you’d turn against me, i will love you still’

Ku hanya duduk di sana. Termangu menatap layar tv. Acara yg disiarkan tak menarik bagiku. Tapi ku bagaikan terpaku. Lalu, mendadak ku merasa dingin. Bukan dingin menggigit. Dingin yg nyaman, membisikimu utk membaringkan tubuh,hilang ke alam mimpi. Ku lihat dia sedang berbicara dgn Tuhan-nya. Rasa sejuk meliputi. Tak terasa ku berbisik,’Tuhan, maafkan aku.’
Tanganku terjulur, berusaha meraihnya. Tapi ku tersadar. Juluran tangan itu, hanya ada di anganku.

It’s a heartache
And the happiness
That won’t let you rest
It’s a pleasure
And the pain that comes
When you love someone
You spend so much time
Trying to get it right
Don’t ask the reason why
It’s a part of life

Our love can be difficult at times
But it was by design
Our love was difficult at times
But it was by design
It’s a laughter
Beyond the tears
That you need to hear
But you know that
You can make it through
When a love is true
It feels like a lonely road
You don’t know which way to go
How I want you to know
You are not alone

Love is difficult
But it’s by design
Love is difficult
But it’s by design
Love is difficult
But it’s by design
Love is difficult
But it’s by design

‘Difficult by design’ by Kylie Minogue

With one light on in one room
I know you’re up when I get home
with one small step upon the stair
I know your look when I get back
if you were a king up there on your throne
Would you be wise enough to let me go
for this queen you think you own

Wants to be a Hunter again
I want to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
So let me go.

The unread book and painful look
The TV’s on, the sound is down
one long pause, then you begin
Oh look what the cat’s brought in
if you were a king up there on your throne
Would you be wise enough to let me go
for this queen you think you own

Wants to be a hunter again
I want to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
So let me go, let me leave

For the crown you’ve placed upon my head feels too heavy now
And I don’t know what to say to you but I’ll smile anyhow
And all the time I’m thinking, thinking

I want to be a hunter again
I want to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
So let me go.

I want to be a hunter again
I want to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
So let me go, let me leave, let me go.

‘the hunter’ as performed by Dido

The stranger sang a theme,
From someone else’s dream
The leaves began to fall
And no one spoke at all
But I can’t seem to recall
When you came along

Ingenue, I just don’t know what to do

‘life in mono’ as performed by mono

I’ve crossed the deserts for miles
Swam water for time
Searching places to find
A piece of something to call mine
(I’m coming)
A piece of something to call mine
(I’m coming)
(I’m coming)
Coming closer to you

Went along many moors
Walked through many doors
The place where I wanna be
Is the place I can call mine
(I’m coming)
Is the place I can call mine
(I’m coming)
(I’m coming)
Coming closer to you

I’m moving
I’m coming
Can you hear, what I hear
It’s calling you my dear
Out of reach
(Take me to my beach)
I can hear it, calling you
I’m coming not drowning
Swimming closer to you

Never been here before
I’m intrigued, I’m unsure
I’m searching for more
I’ve got something thats all mine
I’ve got something thats all mine

Take me somewhere I can breathe
I’ve got so much to see
This is where I want to be
In a place I can call mine
In a place I can call mine

I’m moving
I’m coming
Can you hear, what I hear
It’s calling you my dear
Out of reach
(Take me to my beach)
I can hear it, calling you
I’m coming not drowning
Swimming closer to you

Moving, coming
Can you hear what I hear?
(Hear it out of reach)
I hear it calling you
Swimming closer to you

Many faces I have seen
Many places I have been
Walked the deserts, swam the shores
(Coming closer to you)
Many faces I have know
Many way in which I’ve grown
Moving closer on my own
(Coming closer to you)

I move it
I feel it
I’m coming
Not drowning

I move it
I feel it
I’m coming
Not drowning

I’m moving
I’m coming
Can you hear, what I hear
It’s calling you my dear
Out of reach
(Take me to my beach)
I can hear it, calling you
I’m coming not drowning
Swimming closer to you
(Take me to my beach)

I’m moving
I’m coming
Can you hear, what I hear
It’s calling you my dear
Out of reach
(Take me to my beach)
I can hear it, calling you
I’m coming not drowning
Swimming closer to you
(Take me to my beach)

‘pure shores’ as performed by all saints 

I could talk to you for days
You make me laugh one thousand ways
Not realising (you for me)
Like hot water (and my tea cup)

There’s something about you
And you don’t even know it
I’m telling you now that you got me good
There’s something about you
And I can’t help but show it
Damn it you got me good
Now I’m not alone
With you I’m home, I’ve gotta let you know
You got me good

’something about you’ as performed by Jamelia